Part of the List

i have been sick for quite sometime. It has been a week since im sick and i am still sick. Runny nose, slight fever, headache, vomitting and coughing.. so much for that. plus i need to redo write my group storyline plus script. our story were rejected. fuck!! i just hate being in this situation...

out of the blue, people is blaming me for things that happen. i know u love and care for him more than u love and care for me. true enough. but u only listen to 1 party. have u even have the idea what im going through? have u even have the idea of how im feeling and why do i react that way? i dont think so. im not disrespecting u okay, but com'on laa.

if god were to put me and him inside a lake full of crocodile, i bet u gonna save him. so yah. i dnt bother to quarel. after all ure my sister so........
i just might as well keep my mouth shut and just smile.

now i got no one okay except for my bestie. but they are busy with their life and relationships. i cant expect them to be there for me 24 7 right? now it all comes to a conclusion, that i will be blame in future for shit happens.
thank you so much....

I HATE YOU!!!

i just hate you now. Both of you. Why arent you guys tell me the truth? I HATE BOTH OF YOU!!! I HATE YOUUUUUUU BOTHHH!!!!! how could u guys do this to me? I do did bad stuff contacting others and stuff, but i didnt do stuffs!!!!!!!! OMG!!! how sweet kan korang? i just feel like slapping both your face sak... FUCK LA SAK!!! and you!! U KNOW HOW I AND HIM!!!! common sense la siak!!!!! g layan kan buat aper???

AND YOU!!!!! I SAID STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM SO DISAAPOINTED IN YOU. NEXT TIME IF U WANNA GO CLUB KAN? JUST GO K. DNT BOTHER TELLING ME!!!!

THANKS BOTH OF U.
THANKS FOR HURTING ME!!!
I APPRECIATE THAT A LOT!!!!!

TAKE A BOW.

im taking a bow from my school work. there's so much things to do. storyboarding, assignments and shooting and recording and bla bla bla. im not a robot. im a human. ive been having body aches these few days. barely have the energy from home to school and back. haiyo.. papa, i need a new laptop please.. :'( im struggling using that damn stupid notebook. :'( pleaseeeeeeeee......

im missing so much people now..
analeigh :'( i shed a tears when she texted me just now morning.
tamara :'(
isaac :'(
everyone... :'(

i have not watch movies for the past 3 4 months. :'(
i wanna watch transformer..
but it seems that everyone is busy..
haizzz..
really feel like crying now..
i got no time for myself..
if only there's someone who would take me out and just hang around..
making smile a little will do..

if no one would like to go out wth me then i will go out on my own. watch movie on my own, eat my dinner alone and just chill alone.. that will at least satisfy me just a tiny biny bit.

lately, i feel lonely. even though there's internet connection at home.
cigarette, television and food at home. its very different. i dont know why..... :'(

friday, there's a full dress reheasal at suntec city.
then saturday and sunday is the day. performance day. infront of minister and president. how about that?. my knee hurts. just a lil bit. i hit my knee on the floor while doing splits. whatever kan.......

im the paitao KING? whatever okay SAB. anwy , so what if u are piss of me. its my dad who rule my life and not u. so i listen to him. and not U!! want to blog bout me? then go ahead okay? cos i dnt even care. :)

tahts all for today afternoon. im tired.. very tired..

Tanpa

Resah yang ku
Ubah dalam kata
Melukiskan kesunyian
Tanpa engkau aku tak mengerti

Meski
Pagi itu menatapi
Akan sunyi tanpamu
Menemani aku sepi

Tanpa..
Cintamu aku resah
Tanpa..
Kasihmu aku hampa
Tanpa..
Dirimu aku mati
hohoo…

Kini benar-benarku rasakan
Dalam benuk hatiku tanpamu
Ku tak mengerti
Takut
Takut jauh dari dirimu
Kan kau tinggalkan aku sendiri
Tanpamu ku mati
Hohoo…

Resah yang ku
Ubah dalam kata
Melukiskan kesunyian
Tanpa engkau aku tak mengerti...

this is how i feel now. :'(
im sorry my ego too much..
im sorry attitude sucks..
im sorry everything bout me..
:'(

EFFORTLESSLY EFFORTLESS

haiiizzzz.. y cant i live a normal life i do in the past? y must these things happen now..
i not use to this.. im not strong enough to contain this. true what he said, 'u keep telling others how to solve problem but u dont reflect it on myself'.. looks who is talking, me!! i only know how to give solution, but myself. hah, nothing can i do myself.. fucked up.. can i please like overdose myself.. im so needing isaac and unique desires now.. i want a hug.. tight hug!! im effortless now. im handicapped!! emotionally!! please give me the strength to go through these, god please.. i missed him so badly, i wanna cry.. i miss my bestie khai.. :'( i miss isaac.. :'( i miss unique desire.. :'(................................

:'(