UN-control

Every day im awaken by my own ringtone. felt lazy to rise up to the morn. stretches and wriggle around bed.. feel like forever to reach to school. but why did i choose to go school when i can NOT go school? ....
it's my pillar of strength..
my best friends.. lina, iera, kaiflux, nizam and fadzli..
they always make my day in school.
make me laugh.
listen to me when i needed them.
make me feel strong and fight for my rights.
very protective.
i just love them so much.
i just needed them.

but however..
that doesnt complete me..
its like 40 percent of me is not complete..
.....
LOVE..
maybe some say its not important..
but to me it is..
friend can be ur someone who loves u..
but someone who is ur lover loves u more than ur friends love u..
but i never ever abandon both..

i just want someone who is loving..
care for me..
scold me when i do stupid things.
comfort me when im in despair.
nevermind the money.
someone who accept me for who iam.

a few times i confesses that i like someone.
it turns out well as a friend.
but as time pass by, it fades away.
u fade away.
leaving me crying uncontrollably.
u just pop all over.
mostly at night when it was time im lazing around and dreaming. that makes me teared.

im not trying to gain sympathy.
i just wanted people who at least appreciate what i tell em.
example. when i say im starting to love u back, or even, i just want u back....

at least show that u care..
it saddens me when u ignored when im trying so hard to try..
it leaves me crying..
yes im emotional..
so??sigh.

sometimes i just feel shitty being in a relationship.
some leave me suffers for a long period.
some leave me in a state where im stuck in the middle.
some leave me confuse to either trust or not.

im not shitty.
im not a ditching machine.
im not an asshole.

some may say eh! been that done that.
but are u sure u have been that done that.
its different in every relationship.
its NEVER the same. what u guys have been through is not the same as what i have been through..
IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME..

in life, we are meant to be given chance..
be it once?
twice?
trice?
etc?
in the end its boundaries..
its the way we are being test..
even if it hurts u once or twice and etc.
even if it hurts me once or twice..

im just tired form crying really..
im really getting bored..
i wanna settle down with anyone that came in and win my heart.
seriously...................................................................................................................................................................................................

sigh*crying*